- DESIGN \\
- EAT \\
- SWEAT \\
- CRAFT \\
- GEEK \\
- RANT \\
- ROCK \\
- ETC \\
- FAV POSTS \\
- Blogroll \\
- ABOUT \\
Sometimes I overshare. This is a case of oversharing. In case you needed a warning.
I went through my e-mail in an effort to clean it up last weekend. And I found this photo of me from about 5 years ago. And 15 pounds ago.
This was when people told me I was too skinny. When I was supposedly unhealthy.
For years I kept this image in my mind as what “unhealthy” looks like for me.
But you know what? That was wrong. Those people who thought that I was unhealthy at that weight were wrong.
Yes, I have been unhealthy at that weight before. For instance, when I was depressed in 2009 and quit eating and hit that weight, I was malnourished and felt like crap. I had to wear two layers of clothes to feel warm.
But when this photo was taken, I was eating intuitively. I ate what I wanted, when I wanted. I was really into running, but not at my peak mileage. I ran between 3-5 miles daily, and sometimes 7 on the weekend. I clearly had some muscle tone, and body fat. I felt good. I was not purging. I was not restricting. I had just gotten into a new relationship with College Boyfriend and things were going so well — that was my focus at the time.
I ate dessert. Lots of it. I ate pizza and beer pretty religiously with College Boyfriend on Friday nights. I didn’t overeat. I ate until I was satisfied.
That? That is what I want to get back to. Not just a weight or a shape. A feeling. A feeling of being in control. A feeling of enjoyment from the exercise I do. A true enjoyment of the food that I eat.
It’s a process, but since I quit tracking every. single. calorie (in or out), and started embracing intuitive eating, I’m beginning to inch closer to this person I used to, and loved to be.
I’m running (a little bit) almost every day now. Somebody once told me I shouldn’t do that, or at least I read it on a blog somewhere. Well, I like running. And if my body feels good doing it, then I’m going to do it. I’m doing all the proper strength training / stretching after my runs, unlike when I used to just flat out run every day (which lead to injury).
Something else to note: that photo was taken before I started buying into everybody’s advice that I read online about healthy eating and healthy living. As much as I love the blog-iverse, I don’t need everybody else’s advice on how to be healthy. I don’t need to be a fitness model. And I don’t think my body type really could mold into that muscular shape that I keep seeing. Those abs in that photo? That’s my ideal shape. That was me at my fittest. That was me before I knew the dangers of soy, gluten, sugar, fat, carbs, corn, non-organic food, the absolute necessity of protein supplementation — and god-knows-what else (see this blog post for an amazing write-up about this topic).
I quit listening. Or rather, I’m listening with a finely tuned ear. I know what doesn’t work for me now. I know what makes me happy. If I find a good idea that I can implement with enjoyment, I’m down.
My version of eating clean? I’m eating soy, gluten, sugar, fat, carbs — nothing is off limits. I do believe in limiting empty calories (things like donuts, cake, pizza, etc. — generally processed and devoid of nutrition), so I’m doing that. But I don’t feel deprived since whole foods are more satisfying to me anyway. I’m eating something like 95% “clean” and 5% empty calories on average.
Anyway, I hope that image of my awesome abs doesn’t trigger anybody. I hate that. Sometimes images trigger me, and I almost didn’t post that, but I decided to do it because I had a point to this discussion.
Well, that was somewhat depressing. Happy Friday?
If you enjoyed this article, please consider sharing it!
Hi there. I'm Calee (pronounced CAL-e). If that's too hard, just call me Cal. Also known as chimes or the chimes. I'm 28ish, a designer, a runner, a self-proclaimed fitness queen, a craftster, a foodie, a music snob — some might call me a hipster. Here's the unabridged version.
Enter your e-mail address:
Delivered by FeedBurner