(Trigger Warning: this post could be triggering to those who have had experience with eating disorders.)
For the next 15 days (or at least for the next three) this appliance will become my BEST friend.
That’s right. A juicer. Why? Because I AM DESPERATE. I had it overnight shipped from Amazon … thank you Prime!
For those of you who don’t know, I have a ridiculous gastrointestinal system. I’ve gone to a bunch of doctors and a specialist or two in my time, and each time I get diagnosed with “IBS” — code for, “We have no fucking clue what is wrong with you, but good luck with that.”
So, instead, I have to keep track of the things that make me sick. And sometimes things make me sick, and other times they’re fine. I’ve been compiling a list over the last several years:
Calee’s Do Not Eat List
- Wheat and gluten (mostly wheat, and only sometimes)
- Raw bananas (sometimes)
- Raw carrots
- Quinoa. I didn’t wash it properly / ate improperly prepared quinoa a few times, and now I have an allergy — even with the pre-washed kind. Quinoa flour (for now) is still okay.
- Steel cut oats. Even the gluten-free variety, and only sometimes.
- Almonds, except almond milk and almond butter are fine.
- Sometimes cow’s milk. All other products are fine, except — for whatever reason — milk. Because that makes sense.
- Avocados. I read somewhere that they have a similar makeup to bananas, so I’m guessing that’s why. Sushi is fine. Guac in small quantities is fine.
- B vitamins. Want to know how I figured this one out? My stomachache would lessen every time I peed … bright neon … a couple of hours after taking this supplement. NEON PEE!
- Ibuprofen. This is likely what caused this whole mess to begin with since I used to take 10-12 of them daily for 5-7 days each month (you do the math to figure out why), so I don’t take unless absolutely necessary.
Honorable mention: anything fried or greasy. Not the same kind of stomachache, but boy do I get sick if I have more than a few french fries.
Items that used to be on the list: apples, popcorn, all nuts, onion, garlic, broccoli, cauliflower, leafy greens, asparagus, and pretty much any fruit or veggie or anything that required some effort to digest. I lived on a steady diet of ice cream, toast, and cereal in college (funny because cutting out gluten supremely helped me out).
The best part about all of this is that some of the stuff on my list doesn’t make me sick right away. Say I have a bagel today. Bam! Next Thursday I’m sick. Or maybe tomorrow. Or maybe right away. FUN TIMES. I won’t go into details about what happens when I get sick, but I generally end up curled into the fetal position whilst Mark springs to my rescue with a cup of peppermint tea and a heating pad.
The one thing I did learn from the GI specialist is that my gut might have never healed from my abuse of ibuprofen and laxatives, which might cause reactions to other things (i.e. everything that’s ever been on this list), explain why things that used to be on the list eventually were okay to eat, and explain why if I get sick, I’m much more likely to react to something else on this list within the next week … but then she proceeded to prescribe me a laxative (facepalm!), which is why I’m ready to try anything else before going back to another doc. Yay for modern medicine. Prescribe something to quell the symptom, though it’s the cause of the symptom in the first place. I heard of the GAPS diet to help heal your gut, but that’s crazy scary and complicated.
And that tidbit is brings me full circle to juicing. I was sick a lot of this week which completely derailed the non-plan plan that I unveiled last week. I didn’t workout for 2 unplanned days and I ate to survive (ICE CREAM). I don’t want to deal with GI problems anymore. So, I’m going to try a liquid-only diet — like a system reboot — for a while and see if my gut will heal a bit more. I finally watched Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead this week (coincidentally while I was at home sick with a GI issue), and did some research and found a bunch of people who’ve had IBS and other mystery GI issues who’ve been healed with a juice reboot.
So, why the hell not?
I do confess, I almost didn’t blog about this. I am worried that people will jump down my throat and try to say I’m going on some crash diet. I’m not. In fact, I see a counselor regularly who specializes in eating disorder therapy and is a nutritionist, and she suggested doing this a few months ago. I poo-pooed the idea (har, har, no pun intended). But now I’m open to trying it if it will help me not be sick so often.
Yeah, losing weight would be a nice side effect, but I’m probably going to lose muscle weight if I lose anything, and that blows. So weight loss is not the goal here. It’s about my digestive system becoming healthy. That’s why I decided to call myself a “part-time juicetarian” instead of saying I’m going on a juice fast. The word “fast” is negative, and even saying “I’m going on a juice fast” makes me want to eat a whole freaking pizza (extra gluten, please), while saying “I’m going to be a juicetarian for a while” has no effect on me whatsoever. Other than the craving for some beet juice. Possibly laced with apple cider vinegar.
Do you have any special dietary needs? Have you tried a juice diet, or a cleanse, or anything of the like for health benefits (other than losing weight)?