(Trigger Warning: this post could be triggering to those who have had experience with eating disorders.)
What this post is about: A personal goal of mine, which happens to involve some weight loss.
What this post is NOT about: Judgement of me or yourself in relation to me or my size. If you find yourself wishing you were my size, and hating me for posting this, then take that negative energy and turn it into something positive by taking some steps to get towards your goal.
I’ve not been successful with my weight loss, and I’m the one sabotaging my success. I have a mental block in the form of a stigma attached to me wanting to lose any weight. I used to exhibit traits of disordered eating and exercising. That was 5-10 years ago. I haven’t had anything clinically categorized as an “episode” for years (besides binge eating, but that’s now under control too).
I don’t want to be some crazy unhealthy tiny size. I actually do need to lose a tiny bit of weight — to fit into my clothes, quit injuring myself while doing activities I love, and to stop this crazy gaining cycle dead in its tracks. I’m less than 10 lbs away from being overweight. I’m more than 20 lbs away from being underweight. I don’t have a ton of muscle mass anymore; I lost a lot of that in the past few months while trying to rest and recover from an ankle sprain. So though my weight hasn’t changed, I’ve gotten much smooshier and bigger.
I’m not happy spilling out of my clothes and flopping all over the place when I do hit the gym, and it’s getting worse. I’ve gained so much weight this year it’s unbelievable that I’ve been working out and eating decent this whole time. I cringe when I think of all the time I spent tracking food and the time I spent in the gym to let myself skip a few workouts and eat a bunch of “healthy” snacks here and there — off the books.
Guess what? What I’ve been doing has not worked at all for me at all. But I just keep doing it, hoping that the results will change. That IS the definition of insanity, right?
Operation Pants Fit was my last feeble attempt to kickstart myself into weight loss mode. It didn’t work like I’d hoped because of the mental block I and because of all these rules I’ve heard from those around the healthy living blogging community and experts alike in the past year:
- Don’t have a number in mind and weigh yourself weekly, if ever.
- Eat an insane amount of protein, and don’t eat carbs.
- Don’t exercise too much. Cardio alone is bad.
- Treat yourself (often). YOLO! (how I feel about THAT little acronym will be another blog post for another day)
- Rest. A lot. Skip a workout (or a few) if you’re tired.
- … I could go on … but I digress.
Okay, so that’s slightly exaggerated, but you get the picture. There were so many rules I couldn’t keep my focus.
I am the only one that knows what works for me. Why am I not listening to myself? It’s because I have been trained to think that anything that *I* think about regarding weight loss is unhealthy and bad for me.
That’s just bullshit. And I need to stop thinking that. Right now.
Instead, I should listen to myself and do what I know works for me. So I’ve devised a new and shorter set of rules that will hopefully let me get past this mental block and back into my damn clothes. These will become my mantra for the next several weeks.
- Aim for a (reasonable) number on the scale. Weigh daily.
Weighing weekly doesn’t work for me because I see a big gain and freak out, or a big loss and think I can eat everything ever. Daily check ins have always lead to success when I’ve tried to gain or lose weight.
- Eat intuitively and healthfully.
Aim for lots of veggies, lean protein, and complex carbs. No snacking between meals. No buying food on a whim — stick to the plan for the day. No food or drink (besides water or tea) after dinner. But do remember to get that post-workout protein boost.
- Aim for 5-6 days of 60+ minutes of workout time.
45-60 minutes of this should be hard cardio or intervals, the rest is strength training and stretching. Add moderate exercises as desired (walking over lunch, yoga, etc.).
- Rest day = REST DAY.
No working out these days.
- Remember — a TREAT is just that — a treat, not a daily indulgence.
What IS the fun in that? And you’re not a dog, so treats don’t always have to be food. Get some nail polish, a DVD, a CD — something fun — instead. I’ve already decided when I zero out my zero scale (because it’s up several pounds from when I started trying to lose weight) that I’m getting a pedicure.
- STOP BEING SO DANG LAZY.
Do 10-20 minutes of cleaning each night, take the dog for a walk, play a game — don’t just sit on your ass when you get home.
That’s it. Deep thoughts for today.
I really, really just need support, which is why I’m reaching out to you — that and for accountability. I don’t need any more negative thoughts. I don’t need any more ” you look great” feedback. I really just don’t. I need some “get your ass to the gym” and “do you really need to be eating that?” feedback. 🙂 This is not a cry for attention or a “look at me and tell me I’m really skinny/fitspo/hot/insert-sexy-adjective-here” post. I don’t need that shit right now. I just need to do this.
Have you ever held yourself back from something you really, really wanted?