Tuesday Tutes and Loot #TTL [7]: How to Survive a Nasty Breakup Like a Boss – life+running

Tuesday Tutes and Loot #TTL [7]: How to Survive a Nasty Breakup Like a Boss

… or how to totally copout of your mandatory Tuesday Tutes and Loot post. 😉
tuesday tutes and loot // lifeplusrunning.com
I originally posted this as a guest post on my friend Kelly’s blog … and  I edited it down a few times, but it’s still a little TLDR.  But before I turn into Debbie Downer, here’s who won last week’s giveaway.
birdies little zippy bag // lifeplusrunning.com
random.org winner for chimesdesign giveaway // lifeplusrunning.com
Congratulations, Jaci! You are the proud owner of a lovely little zippy bag … complete with birdies fabric that I designed.
jaci —winner of chimesdesign giveaway // lifeplusrunning.com
 I never really shared many details of my my breakup that happened nearly 3 years ago. I won’t go into too much detail now either, but it really sucked. Maybe someday the whole ordeal will be hilarious and I’ll tell you about it, but it’s been 3 years and I still am not laughing. Here’s how I lived to tell the tale of my shitty breakup, and I became a much more awesome person because of it (not to mention I have the best boyfriend ever now).
survive a nasty breakup like a boss  life + running // lifeplusrunning.com

No matter if you’re the dumpee, the dumper, or part of a so-called “mutual breakup” — breakups suck. Some are more nasty than others, but if you can muster the courage to crawl out from beneath the safety of your covers to read this, then you have the power to put your life back together and come out of your shitty breakup a stronger, more desirable you.

Ready to quit thinking about your ex and start living again? Let’s do this, champ.

1. Cut off ALL lines of communication. The less you think about your ex, the faster you will feel better. It takes 60+ days to kick a habit, so try cutting off communication for 10 days, then 20, and get a countdown to 60 going. Treat yourself for each milestone reached. Each day will be a little easier.

Temporarily delete your ex from social media outlets, delete his or her phone number (from your memory too), set your e-mail so anything from your ex goes directly to the trash, and avoid all places you might “accidentally” run into your ex.

Not gonna lie. This is the HARDEST step. I refused to delete his number, and soon I was calling him at 5 AM daily. I blocked him from social media one outlet at a time until eventually all I could do was sit and cry while stalking his Last.fm playlist and only wonder what existential meaning, “Dead Skin Mask” by Slayer had. Oh my god we saw Slayer together once. HE STILL LOVES ME.

2. Put everything that reminds you of your ex in a box and get rid of it. You’re gonna need a big box — anything is sacred at this delicate time. Give the box to a friend for safekeeping. You might want it back later, but hopefully you’ll both have a laugh while traipsing through your treasure chest in six months. Your friend’s job is to keep you from looking at it until you are completely over it.

For realsies.

Kelly kept my box for over a year. I saved his toothbrush. A freaking toothbrush. Used.

3. Enlist a breakup buddy. Or two. I needed two. I was a bigger wreck than one person could handle. A breakup buddy is a friend who can agree to help you by listening to all your woes (within reason — don’t call your buddy at 3 AM), making sure you aren’t trying to contact your ex, and basically being there so you don’t fall flat on your face.

Kelly was one of my breakup buddies. My other buddy was a fail. I’ve been dating him for the past 3 years. Try not to do that. Unless your breakup buddy is really, really hot.

4. Write it out. It sounds lame, but every time you want to shoot off an e-mail, or tweet to or about your ex, put it in an e-mail and send it to your breakup buddy. Make a list of all the reasons your relationship was awesome and all the reasons it sucked. Keep going until the reasons it sucked far outweigh the good things. When you’re done, burn it. That doesn’t really help anything, but it’s fun to burn things.

I started a password-protected blogspot.com blog that I can write to by sending an e-mail to a secret e-mail address, and I gave my closest friends the password. I still use this outlet, and it’s such a stress reliever. Even now once a month I fire off 10-12 posts of PMS-fueled rambles. Entertainment at its best.

5. Whatever you do, don’t do stupid shit. What do I mean by stupid shit? I mean doing things that make you temporarily feel good, but then when you wake up the next day in a puddle of shame (and sometimes bodily fluids), you feel even worse than you did the day before.

I decided early on to avoid drinking, drugs, random sex, making the ex jealous, fantasizing about getting back together, and other activities related to a stereotypical breakup. Though fun, I guarantee none of these things will help you get over this, unless you drink enough to erase your memory, but that will likely land you a large hospital bill.

6. Speaking of hospitals — get professional help if needed. Your friends and family won’t want to hear one more word about your stupid freaking ex after a month or two of this. After 30 days, they will need a rest (and rightfully so). Seek out counseling in to help you through this hard time.

The best advice I ever got was from my breakup buddies: Get professional help. Your friends and family love you but they can only help you so much. I bounced back so much faster with the aid of a trained professional.

7. Stage a comeback. Take sexy photos. Throw a party. Do something completely badass and awesome you never could have done before your shitty breakup. Go out and own it.

In addition my list, I strongly recommend buying or downloading It’s Called a Breakup Because It’s Broken. It may sound silly, but it was the best purchase I made at that time (the second best required batteries). In fact, I think most of these things were ideas I got from that book, which I came to call my breakup bible.

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Have you ever gone through a particularly horrid breakup (with a person or a hobby that you love)? How did you cope? 
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7 Comment

  1. Great advice! i love the “don’t do stupid shit”. lol. Also, the pic of you in this post is beautiful! 🙂

  2. Jaci says: Reply

    I went through a bad breakup about 3.5 years ago – it actually prompted my weight loss. It’s funny how change begets change. I still miss the bloke (apparently I’m British today) but I’m at a point in my life where I’m satisfied being independent. It’s kind of awesome.

    Also: Yay, Me!! I never win anything! Now, we MUST have our dinner date soon so I get it and finally freaking meet you 🙂

    1. chimes says: Reply

      YES. dinner date soon. I’ll tweet/e-mail you. Wednesdays still work? A Dong still good? Otherwise, I lurve sushi (miyabi 9?).

      1. Jaci says: Reply

        Wednesdays are good and A Dong would be delightful 🙂

  3. Oh golly I went through quite a break-up of my own a couple of years before I met Dave. I will tell you all about it sometime, but let’s just say I had my heart broken and it took me quite some time to get over it. I agree with the not calling/texting/emailing/facebooking thing. I actually motivated myself to not contact him by counting the days I didn’t. It gets easier after awhile. 🙂

    1. chimes says: Reply

      we should exchange stories (and photos … because you will laugh at mine)

  4. I went through a HORRIBLE breakup in college and then after a few years of getting back together/breaking up with that person, I moved to LA. Distance really did make it easier. (lol)

    And then there was that time when the band I managed was stolen from me…I would tell you how I coped but seeing as I can’t escape their success, I’m still working on coping.

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